How to Feel More Like You
What does it feel like to be you?
As I became an adult in the world, there were times when I didn’t feel like myself.
In relationships, at work, and on my own, I felt like I was walking someone else’s path. I was wearing someone else’s clothes, doing another person’s job, and kissing someone else’s boyfriend. I was pressured by outside expectations and powered by a mix of fear and anxiety.
My sense of self would appear like a dream, then disappear into the distance. I’d feel it, mysterious and temporary, visiting from another universe. I lived in the ‘real world’ where these two beings couldn’t co-exist. My sense of self was broken.
Life is very different now. I feel like myself every day. I hold this sense lightly, allowing myself to change and grow. It flows through me.
Over the years, I’ve experimented with a long list of methods and practices to help me feel like myself. One of the most important of these was learning to connect with my essence, a practice I return to regularly.
Understanding your essence
Your essence is your fundamental nature and what makes you uniquely you.
It transcends time and is always with you, from infancy throughout your adult life. It’s the deepest part of yourself, where your authenticity lives.
The contemporary concept of essence originates from the Greek philosophers Aristotle and Plato. Within some spiritual and religious teachings, the concept might be called soul or spirit.
5 Ways to Connect With Your Essence
1. Find your inner stillness
If your mind races with the noise of the world, it will be challenging to connect with your deepest self. Finding a sense of calm was an essential part of my journey. I do this through meditation and gentle movement.
Experiment with ways of creating stillness that feel right for you. You might find it sitting quietly in meditation. You may also find inner stillness in movement practices like running or yoga.
2. Reflect on your essential moments
I remember moments from my childhood where I was connected with a calm sense of self — walking in nature around my childhood home, laying in a grassy field staring up at the stars, and hiking deep into wooded forests.
I let these moments be points on a timeline of my essential self, and I notice nature is a constant. When I am feeling disconnected, I take a walk in a nearby park to find myself again.
Reflect on the moments in your life where you've been connected with your essence, and return to the feelings associated with those moments.
3. Set boundaries
We define ourselves by feeling around the edges and limits of things. Boundaries allow us to define who we are in the world, and, somewhat paradoxically, allow us to expand more fully into our true selves.
Creating and maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves and others requires setting and maintaining boundaries. Poorly constructed boundaries can be either be too rigid or too porous. A good boundary is flexible, like a fence with a gate that you can open and close as you need to.
Consider in your life where you may have unhealthy boundaries. Can you take a few actions to improve your boundaries?
4. Chill out and feel like you
When I wake in the morning or just before I go to bed, I take a few minutes to lay quietly in the space between wakefulness and sleep. In this space, I ask ‘what does it feel like to be me?’ I connect with a sense of who I am from deep within me, separate from any ideas of who I should be.
Lay in bed or any place where you feel comfortable and safe. Close your eyes and let yourself relax. Feel into what it feels like to be you. Notice what feelings and sensations come up.
5. Listen to the Essence Hypnosis Audio
Listen to Essence Hypnosis Audio within my course ESSENCE. Each time you listen, you may feel or experience something different.
After listening to the audio, reflect on anything that came up for you. Sit quietly and notice any change in the sensations in your body. You may wish to free-write or use the journal prompts provided with the audio.
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